He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
