i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
