I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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