I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
