This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
