Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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