I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
