Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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