My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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