i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
