is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
