Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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