How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We were destined to go to rehab together
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
