you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
