After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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