Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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