yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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