im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
