toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize