Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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