No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
