Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
