at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
