the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
