Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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