Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
