Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
