About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
