quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
