guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
