dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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