one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
