No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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