i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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