he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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