When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
