New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
