i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
