i was rollin on her like bob the builder
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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