Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
