well you can't waste a boner
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
