Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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