I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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