I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
high people should be assigned attendants
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
