1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
