Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
