I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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