I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
