Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Acid is not a monday night drug
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
