im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
