these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
