come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
