Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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